yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
