After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
