I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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