Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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