The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize