so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
