life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
