I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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