Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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