She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
