Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
