I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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