I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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