Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
