Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
