just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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