Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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