I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
