I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
