We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
