I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
