i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
