bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
