he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
