how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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