theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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