Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
