I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
