i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
