the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
