I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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