covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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