When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize