i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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