so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
