Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
