Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
