i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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