i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
