Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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