I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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