I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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