Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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