Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize