So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
