Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Randomize
