I showed him my bush... on skype.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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