exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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