Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
whose parrot is this?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
