I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
