i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize