I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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