we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Less talking, more tequila
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
