and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
