You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
