I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
