The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
