I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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