The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do vagina's smell?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Operation Purity has been aborted
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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