At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
