1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize