i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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