when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
