i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
