if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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