I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
