we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
