I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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