what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize