I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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