Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
