There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
