sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
